Column by Pastor Stewart Rawson: Our presence is worth more than our words

How often do you encounter someone in your life struggling? It might be every day or it might be every week, but I am fairly certain each of us knows people in our life who are hurting. They may have a minor setback in their lives, like a temporary illness or a disappointment with a situation at their place of employment. But some who are hurting in our lives are facing much larger challenges, like a terminal illness or the loss of someone they loved dearly.

When we confront someone who is struggling, it is human nature to want to say something to let them know we care. Our hope is that our words will comfort them in some small way. My conviction is that often what we say is not helpful. In fact, sometimes our words might even do damage. Kate Bowler is a professor at Duke University, and several years ago she authored a helpful book called Everything "Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I Have Loved." Dr. Bowler was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer when she was in her early 30s and her young son was 2 years old. In her book, she tells stories of things people said to her and her husband that were meant for good but were not received that way. One of her stories is of her husband greeting someone at the door who brought a casserole for the family. When the well-intentioned neighbor is walking away, they comment to her husband, "You know, everything happens for a reason!" Not meaning to be ungrateful but overcome by pain, he responds, "Well, I wish I knew what the reason was!"

It is one thing to believe God has a plan for our lives and for our world. It is quite a different thing to use that belief as a means of explaining someone else's circumstance.

Kate Bowler's sincere and thoughtful guide led us to a theme for our summer preaching series titled, "Things We Say We Aren't Sure We Mean." In exploring these phrases, we discuss how we should focus more on being present with someone in a time of need rather than always thinking we must have the right words to say. Not every quiet moment needs to be filled with our "words of wisdom." As a minister friend of mine once said, "The only thing you have to say to someone is 'I came as soon as I heard!'" The gift of our presence with them, our sincerity, is worth more than we can say.

Stewart Rawson is the pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Downtown Sumter.