OPINION: Your emotions aren't controlled without your permission

We often hear people say, "She made me so mad until I wanted to fight her." It is a common thing to blame others when we get angry to the point of some type of action. We will avoid being around certain people because we say they have a way of making us upset. Do certain people really make us upset to the point of retaliation? When we look back at our grade-school years, the children that got picked on often were the ones who would cry, get angry or buy into the hype. Those who knew how to play the game did well in this process. To understand this complex issue, we must explore the human behavior, emotion versus anger.

Almost every mental health counselor, clinical health person, psychiatrist, etc. offers these basic exercises for dealing with emotions and anger.

1. Take a deep breath, and let the fire die down.

2. Count down or count up to a predetermined number.

3. Relax your muscles, and don't tense up.

4. Stop talking for a few minutes, and try to calm down.

5. Take a short walk, and get away from the environment.

6. Learn how to befriend anger because avoidance isn't always the best thing.

Now that you are able to effectively diffuse your emotions, it may be time to revisit the setting.

Think about it; if people can just learn how to control their emotions, all of the bad behavioral statistics will decrease substantially. South Carolina ranks sixth worst in the nation for domestic violence toward women. If the husband can control his emotions and not let it manifest into anger, that ugly statistic can be improved exponentially. If a child is taught and coached on how to control his or her emotions, he or she can receive more awards and less reprimands. I heard a wise woman say a long time ago that you can get a whole lot more with honey than you can with vinegar. In other words, don't let your emotions make you a sour person.

We must understand that our emotions, for the most part, are not controlled by others. I say for the most part because all of us have a pressure button that we try to keep hidden from others. People do not have control over your emotions. The only way a person could get under your skin is with your permission. Learn how to let it roll off like water on a duck's back. We do not have to respond to everything that is said to us.

Whenever we respond in the negative way a person expects us to, we are giving them permission to control our emotions. The way I learned how to get around teasing as a child, I just laugh at and with them. I learned not to get angry because that's what they wanted me to do. You are the captain of your ship; don't let others drive!

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city," Proverbs 16:32. The book of wisdom explains that the ability to control one's anger is a powerful tool. When used correctly, it can mend a nation of its brokenness. You are the controller of your emotions. You determine to what level and how much is released. Other people can only upset you if you give them permission to do so. You are the butler to your soul; you determine what comes in and what goes out.

Be careful who you give access regarding your emotions today.

Sam Livingston is pastor of Antioch Missionary Baptist Church in Manning.